Out of Head Into Heart

All we need is love?!

hellasweet — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 00:21:37 +0000

Difficult this life is…in fact as Xmas is arriving, we start to get really emotional. I was touched today, really, truely, deeply. By the lack of love (as I wrote before, “all you need is love” but all THEY need is love, too). It just hurts me. It is not about me, I do not lack it, but just seeing somebody craving for it, makes me feel like a cut in my flesh. And if it is somebody near to you, it hurts even more. Why is it that there are some people who don’t realize their power over the others? Moms, who don’t care enough for their own sons, or partners, who don’t love their beloved one enough. And all I feel is impotence – if only we would have a blue pill for that, too:), for emotional impotence, and ooops, in a second there I go, and would be ready to become “active” and make a change. But as I do not possess such a magical blue pill, I sit here around with my impotence. And just watch how the other one is suffering.

Somebody told me, you cannot always save the other. Especially not if he doesn’t want to be saved. So I cannot do that, but Santa CAN!!! That’s why we invented HIM maybe, to make all the things come true we desire, to embody our ability to conquer all the frustrated impotences of ours…He is our blue pill. So there I go, and take mine…We will see how it’s gonna work;)

Sweet dreams

End of the old year, at the beginning of the new?

hellasweet — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 11:49:05 +0000

I’m pretty excited. Just arrived home yesterday, so staying in Budapest for a few days. It is like being a tourist, wandering around in the freezing city, amazing sometimes, sometimes feels like new (all new shops, places I have never been to, new trends), sometimes the good old feelings (when sy starts to quarrell with me if I forget to say “thank you”, the tastes…the smells, the people). Just this cold…I have a huuuge brown wool coat, that I was obliged to take now (as being -10C as it is), and right now I feel an urgent need to look for a huge lake and start fishing some…:DD But not being a polar bear, rather a young woman, I should compensate this perverted state of mine somehow…the scarf and hat (wool as well, straight from Nepal) don’t help a lot with my image.

I decided to cook during the holidays, but cook like COOK, create sg special. So bought the special Noel edition of the French ELLE magazine, with really gourmet recepies…only problem that half of the ingredients just don’t really exist in Hungary, if they do, hardly accessible. Anyways, will try my best.

Now I have to rush, some more shops to hike, even more fishes to fish:))) Xmas peak, last weekend, so bon courage you all!!!

Talk to you soon….

XXX

HOHOHÓÓÓ – azaz a Karácsony pszichológiája

hellasweet — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 12:13:30 +0000

Utolsó bejegyzés óta nem kevés idő telt el. Közben megkezdődött a show-time (ahogy elmésen megfogalmaztam:p), és már villódzik a fény, tekeredik a műfenyő a kirakatokban, és vágdossák a kis S O L D E S betűket (kiárusítás). Szorgos hangya meséjéből tanulva én bár nem dolgoztam serényen egész nyáron – bár azt is;) – de szorgosan egyesével szereztem be az ajándékokat, és már ott tartok, hogy lassan meg is van mind…azért szép pszichológiai terápiás foglalatosság is. Vegyük az ajándék-vásárlást. Látszólag pénzszórás, sokan nem tartják a hagyományt. Én már csak a következők miatt is fontosnak látom (és térjünk is át a Karácsony pszichológiájára): 1. A körülötted lévők felé érzett spirituális pozitivitás és kötődés materiális megformálása – egyfajta vallomás, ha nem is szóban h SZERETLEK, FONTOS VAGY, és KÖSZ HOGY ELVISELSZ, de tárgyiasítva. Ráadásul nagy kihívás olyat találni ami személyre szabottan ezt megteszi 2. és elérkeztünk a másik ponthoz, a kapcsolat erőpróbája: mennyire ismered az illetőt, amit szeret, amire vágyik. A vágy, vágyódás az élet egyik legfontosabb dolga, ez motivál, ez tesz szenvedélyessé, ez ad energiát. Többnyire megfoghatatlan dolgokra vágyódunk – szeretet, szerelem, boldogság, egészség, siker – de egészséges, hogy ennek a tárgyias oldala is vonzó: egy széles képernyős tv (a szabadidő minőségibb eltöltésére), egy szép ruha (belső harmónia, önértékelés fokozása). Olyan ez mint a Yin és a Yang. Fekete-fehér. Tárgyias, elvont. Nem szabad túlzásokba esni de igenis kell mindkettő!! Az egyik legszebb dolog, ha a másik vágyára koncentrálva – végre kilépve az ÉN-ÉN-ÉN hétköznapokból – NEKI akarsz örömet szerezni. És végül 3. Minden ajándékhoz, ami igazi és szívből jön, te is kötődni fogsz. Minden ajándéknak története van, az ajándék amikor letört a körmöd, az ajándék amit megálmondtál, az ajándék amire a kiszemelt fogadó-alany már régóta áhítozott. és végül 4. a HATALOM, a hatalom és erő érzése, hogy mindezt megadhatod, KÉPES vagy arra, hogy ezt az örömet TE másoknak megszerezd, és ez igenis büszkeséggel és örömmel tölt el – ez az egyik része annak a mondásnak hogy “Jó kapni de még jobb adni”.

Már alig várom az illatokat, a fényeket, az ízeket. Minden édes, füstös, fényes és piros. De így van ez kitalálva, mikor amúgy az évszak nem adja meg nekünk ezeket, csak magunka számíthatunk, hogy ezt megteremtsük. Soha egy bögre tea nem esik olyan jól mint egy decemberi estén. Próbálj meg belépni egy kávézóban. A kinti hideg, steril és éles, nem párolog a levegő, nem szállnak az illatok. És akkor bummmm, belépsz, és mint egy láthatatlan fuvallat rádzúdul a sok odor, és zaj, és szín. Ilyenkor van az is talán, hogy az ember jobban képes befelé fordulni. A külső világ megüresedik, kirülül, a fák kopaszodnak, a varjaknak is befagy a fütyülője, a nap sugara sem úgy törik mint annak kéne, nagyobb lesz a kontraszt a kint és a bent között. Nem úgy mint nyáron vagy tavasszal, amikor egy padon ülve ugyanolyan életteli képeket láthatsz mint egy nyüzsgő étteremben. De mindez nem negatív. Ez az évszak erre jó, és erre kell. Az átértékelés időszaka. Vigyázni kell azonban, hogy ilyenkor ha a kint kürül és a bent is üres, akkor az egyensúly felborul, és a kicsiny rés szakadékká nőhet.

A Karácsony mint a klimax felé vezető út? Amikor már azt hisszük nem lehet tovább fokozni: Megvolt a beigli, az ajándékok, a fények, a dalok, a csengettyűk, a leárazások, akkor jön az Újév. Valami lezárul, és valami új kezdődik. Vége a színeknek, és lekerülnek a díszek. Olyan ez mint egy kis hibernálás, hogy lelassuljanak a léptek, egy kis pihenő, hogy az ember új lendülettel várja a rügyfakasást.

Epilógus

Tudom korai volt a merengés…a fenébe is még csak dec. eleje lesz. De a hangulat már megvan:)

What if…

hellasweet — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:37:08 +0000

The most dangerous game of all!!! Don’t play it alone!! At least with one bottle of heavy drink, and a good friend!!

I miss my ex…I miss my doomed-not-to-be. He is most probably with her new doomed-to-be-one. I’m reading our old chats, and I see why I still want him: he was fun, he was smart (is still:p just not with me), he was sooo handsome, he laughed always at the good part of my sentence, he thought I was incredible…so what went wrong?? And when I will stop looking for reasons/answers?

Part of me knows when….exactly when sy new will make me believe again that I’m irressistable, I’m THE unique one among the others, I understand HIM, and can be passionate about. Also can watch a movie in silence hand in hand…and just the second I will believe in that, I will start to have my own inner debates and insecurity: when he’s going to stop feeling that way about me…fucking fear, oh fuck you!!! Ok, I’ll come back when I stop feeling soo mazochistically nostalgic about sg already long-way past…

Silent night

Relationships II.

hellasweet — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:53:21 +0000

There are relationships that are doomed to stay untouched and stable for a lifetime, and there are those which are doomed not to. Sorry for starting a day with such a dramatic theme, but this was missing form the previous note.

According to an article – and recent studies – for a lifetime partner, all way along we are looking for our own reflections in the significant other (all the other choices are just temporary stops to the final destination). Meaning similar kind of way of thinking, social status, family background etc. Well, thinking of which. I’m in a huge trouble. Is someone trying to suggest me that my life – which was sacrificed to its 95% solitude – should subject itself to find MYSELF?? What an interesting point… So I’m lost:))

My latest year, this present one, had only one main subject: HIM. A guy. A guy who is no longer in my life, ok, only in the form of a ghost, if I may say so. (Nothing tragical, mass catastrophe, or ski accident, just a relationship that was over). Well, this was definitely category II., soooo the doomed-not-to one… I think most of the women try to turn their doomed-not-tos into doomed-tos, or try to discover the hidden signs of some karmical destiny that brings the two together. What a mistake! Meanwhile there or some potentially might-become-the-ones awaiting. When are we going to wake up from our fairy tales, to realize that our lives is OURS and WE must try to live them, and not waiting for some kind of higher power to control it…but we are all right: it is so much easier to imagine that it is a third party that sets our lives up.

SHAKE IT BABYYY!!

Relationships

hellasweet — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:48:53 +0000

Please, all of you, take your time every day, every week to sacrifice some time for love. Not love making – but also a good way of spending time;) – but your beloved ones. Sit down, and think about it: how you can make THEM feel happy. This world makes us to become ego-centric: what I want, what I should do with my life, where I should go for holiday, what I should wear…MY dreams, MY happiness… Sometimes we must change the emphasis to switch to YOU, and THEY. It is very very important.

Spend time on loving…and show your loving (it’s not a Xmas-time crap, but a general crap-one). Because love is among the most important things of the world (after power and money and sex naturally:)))noo. But really. All you need is love, but all THEY need is love, as well….think about it.

Good night.

Mini-me – s?

hellasweet — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:38:30 +0000

Busy day, busy week…should go to bed already tomorrow another looong working day, but wanted to write sg before.

Today I spent my day with the mini-me Héloise – like most of the days. She’s 16-months-old, and I’m her full-time nanny. Today I passed my limits, I wanted to test her, and just for fun, I tried sg: I got into her little play-park thing in the room, with the bars on. And started to behave like HER. Just like. Well, to let you know how SHE is like, well, if she’s in, sometimes she gets bored, so starts throwing out things, screaming “maman, mamaaaan”, and so on…but she’s rarely there anyway (only for pee-emergency – for me of course, she is in advance with a diaper:) and when her 7yo bro is around). Sooo, I started my little performance with mamaaaaan-screamings and so on (ooh, needless to mention that we were alone…no witnesses needed for such a scene), and she came over to me, and then sg unexpected happened. Her infantile/naughty/ready to do some silly baby-like action look changed into sg mature, she started to estimate me, and I saw her thinking hard. Some wrinkles of concerned worry appeared on her forehead, and she started to speak – ok, as she cannot yet, started to imitate it:p anyways, asked me “booboo?” meaning whether I had a booboo, I hurt myself, that’s why calling out for my mommy, then I couldn’t help going on with my perverse game: I told nooooo and started to throw out things, toys, like a little spoiled bored girl. And she was looking at me, like frozen, and unable to do anything. I SAW her in the exact state that I usually watch her from HER present place, with the same impotent outsider watch. (she even forgot to close her mouth being so amazed…here I couldn’t help but let a little laugh out). And then I had a thought. What if…. What if this whole baby-kid-adult thing is a huuuuuge fraud?? What if they just pretend not to understand when “Nooo, we don’t throw the food on the floor if we don’t want to eat it”, or “Don’t shout, now we are going out and cannot take doudou (toy) out with us” etc. THEY KNOW it quite exactly, and they are just too smart. They know that we think that they don’t know:) and even if we would know what they know, we wouldn’t believe it that they are able to know:) So like this, they can skip some difficult years of obidence, hard work, and rules-following. They are smart enough to know that they can get away with whatever, no matter what..just because they are little, tiny, good-smelling and cute. And after they have grown up, they can think back and tell “ohh, those golden years, when I didn’t have to listen to anyone, not like today when I have be at work by time, and smile at people I don’t like, or wear high heels even if I hate them (just to make my short legs look longer)”. Babies don’t have to worry. That’s why they don’t have wrinkles:D ok, and also for some tiny biological reasons.

So let’s just think about it: the babies are just mini-me-s, no wonder!!!

Another war-philosophy to think about

hellasweet — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:48:34 +0000

I read this on métro one day:

The friend of my friend is my friend.

The enemy of my friend is my enemy.

The friend of my enemy is my enemy.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

So true for nowadays’ philosophy….

Let’s start the day with a game…

hellasweet — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:13:33 +0000

(don’t worry, won’t stay like this forever, I cannot keep blogging ritually every day, but if it happened this time, just let’s be happy for that:))

Let’s play a game! Ready? Ok, very easy, after the Starbucks-philosophy, where you are supposed to choose your perfect coffee-wanna-be in a second, let’s try the same with questions: Rome in the summer, or Paris in spring? Créme coloured walls or purple? Mercedes or Aston Martin? On a Saturday afternoon: coffee with the girlfriends, shopping at the mall, or watching a nice movie alone? Prince charmant: blond with blue eyes, or thick-haired brown with brown eyes? For or against vegetarianism? It’s red at the crossing but nothing is coming: are you going to cross or not? At the exam: cheating or not cheating (let’s say you were sick for one week and the previous night out at a party) Dogs or Cats? High heels or flats? Chocolate or youghurt? Fruits or vegetables? Sweet or salty? Christian or hindu? Stay-at-home mom or Working girl? Love or Hate?

When you are ready stop for a second just to think about it…what you have just done…BRAVOO, hurrrayy, actually this was a 20-30-years work done in 1 minute, not bad, ha??? Just wanted to remind you, all of you, that life is about questions to answer and choices to make, sooner is better. And just don’t be afraid…fear is the only thing to be afraid of!

Have a great day!

Just a day to change the world

hellasweet — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:38:54 +0000

And here I am!!! )) At last…only after one day I re-appear pfff.

Whenever you feel down, or lost or unlucky or lonely, I have only one thing to tell you, only one remedy, one chance to make a change: try to come out of it as quickly as possible (don’t start to tell the whys and hows, just do it!!!)! And I tell you why…Dunno whether you realized it or not, but good things tend to attract good things and vica versa: whenever you feeling down, just wait and see, some more shit is going to happen very soon, and that certainly will drag you down even deeper….Naturally, if you have bad thoughts, and you complain about them, well most certainly the people around you – even best friends – may try to listen/help FOR A WHILE, but if it would last for too long, well, they just move on…I have bad news: people love having fun, and they can hardly have it with someone who’s reading “1001 tips for every day how to carry on smiling” and who prefers staying at home watching Friends….That’s the reason why I tell you KEEP SMILING. Even if it sounds cheesy, just go tomorrow morning and try it: not smiling, but watching…whether you enjoy watching a man sitting in front of you in the subway looking out of the window, with a melancholic look, or rather some chitty-chatty teenagers who laugh loud and sing some recent hit…well, it is the same with men/women. Just when you feel the loneliest, you walk around with the sadness and hopelessness on the face: what is the chance of sy suddenly looking at you, and thinking “hmmm, what a nice face, this is exactly what I want right now! Let’s go and get it”… HAHA.

That was for all of you out there who might need an “advice of the day” :p (hate those kinds of things:)

And don’t you forget: “Being happy is so much easier…”